Tongan Ninja

Tongan Ninja, a comedy cult classic befitting a living legend that will live long after all other living legends have died.

Tongan Ninja, New Zealand, 2003

Director: Jason Stutter
Production co: Tommy Ringo International
Producers: Andrew Calder, Jason Stutter
Screenplay: Jermaine Clement, Jason Stutter
Executive producer: Sue Rogers
Technical director: Adam Dransfield
Stunts: Rod Fransham
Fights choreographed by: Sam Manu
Kitchen dance choreographed by: Brett McKenzie

With: Sam Manu (Sione Finau/Tongan Ninja), Jemaine Clement (Marvin/Action Fighter), Linda Tseng (Miss Lee), Charles Lum (Master Magaskai & Unlce Lee), Raybon Kan (Asian Sidekick), Dave Fane (Herman the Henchman), Victor Rodger (Mr Big), Jed Brophy (Bank Manager), Peter Daube (Chef Guy), Sean Allan (Knife Man), Aaron Cubis (Gun Man), Hoani Siueva (Hemi the Henchman), Grant Clifford (Graham the Henchman), Brent Ormsby (Chang), Party Pine (Wong), Tana Umaga (Famous Rugby Player)

Voices: Jermain Clement (voice of Tongan Ninja), Laura Hill (voice of Miss Lee), Taika Cohen (voice of Graham)

35mm, colour, 85 minutes, PG—low level violence

He comes from the mighty Kingdom of Tonga (pop: 105,600, principal export: baby squash). He is trained in the ancient art of ninjitsu. He is, unsurprisingly, Tongan Ninja, and now his story can be told. Ever since his father was eaten by a fish, Sione was brought up to follow the way of the ninja. Now he must journey toward his greatest challenge and defend the beautiful Miss Lee and her restaurant from Mr Big and the Syndicate. These men will stop at nothing to get their hands on an ethnic hospitality establishment servicing the central business district. Only his fists and his long years of training in Tonga will help him face Gun Man (he’s good with guns), Knife Man (good with knives), Henchman (good with henches), Chef Guy (you get the idea) and Asian Sidekick. Finally, he must confront his ultimate nemesis – Action Fighter. Will love, and a great deal of physical violence, triumph in the end? You work it out. Shot in stunning yet convenient locations, Tongan Ninja features exciting new sound and special effects techniques designed to fool the extremely gullible into thinking it was done for real. Tongan Ninja is something special, something different, something that gives the phrase “this film is yet to be classified” a disturbing new meaning. People who love musicals, people who like sophisticated comedy, devotees of the best Hong Kong action films, foley artists, all will want to corner the makers of Tongan Ninja in a darkened alley and ask “Why?” Tongan Ninja – the film you didn’t know you wanted, until you wanted it.

“... From the director of Tongan Ninga comes... ah, Tongan Ninja, a comedy cult classic befitting a living legend that will live long after all other living legends have died. As they say: it’s a film that will touch your heart... after it’s finished with your teeth, spleen and kneecaps. It’s the film you didn’t know you wanted to see, until you wanted to see it. Tongan Ninja – directed by Jason Stutter and filmed almost entirely in a few blocks around central Wellington – is possibly one of the dumbest, funniest local films ever since ... well, possibly just ever... As a parody of the badly dubbed kung fu films of the 70s it works on every level. It has embarrassingly cheap ‘special effects’, sudden and unexpected musical numbers, flashbacks and dream sequences, a fort guarded by an army of ninjas and characters called Mr Big, Asian Sidekick and Knife Man. It also has hilarious dialogue... There is much subtle Pacifika humour alongside the broad-brush parody of Bruce Lee movies. It also looks like it was made on a budget of $8.50 – and that’s a compliment. Tongan Ninja tells how the character famous from the comic book comes to New Zealand on instructions from his ninja master to help a family friend whose restaurant is being terrorised by the ‘So Called Syndicate’. Tongan Ninja faces down various villains, a love interest in Miss Lee who is the daughter of the restaurant owner, and some appalling dialogue. At the end he confronts his nemesis. Legendary stuff. What elevates this above other cult classics is how knowing it is: the script sparkles with asides to other movies (the Tongan Mind Trick from Star Wars: A New Hope), reaches heights of absurdity (the Patio of Death), and has cleverly stupid overdubbing. It is worth turning the volume up just to hear the oddball asides in sequences when the army of ninjas jump Tongan Ninja. There is a howlingly funny sequence when the boom mike is deliberately visible. This is a film that knows exactly what it is doing… The movie credits are worthy of the Zucker Brothers – which is a useful reference. Its nearest movie relative would be a film like Airplane: dumbness elevated to artful parody. Utterly stupid but extremely funny. Remember the name Jason Stutter and if he drops by with beers and a script asking for money to make his next movie, be prepared to dig deep. He’s a living legend, too. As the tagline says, ‘If you only see one ninja movie this year with a Tongan in it…’.” — Graham Reid, Time Out, 2 October 2004

Screenings: Tongan Ninja screened on 16 April 2009 in a school holidays season for kids; on 15 June 2005 as part of editor Annie Collins selection; it was so popular it screened again on 3 August 2005